How to Cope If You’re Not Excited About The Holidays
News Flash: Reconnecting, indulging and making memories over the holidays isn’t awesome for everyone (and that’s ok). Let’s talk about what to do if this sounds familiar.
Name It to Tame It: If you feel anxious or stressed about the holidays, there’s nothing “wrong” with you. Family history, past arguments, and unhealed wounds add up. If you find that the holidays bring up a mix of guilt, resentment, and anxiety, own those feelings! Just naming them can be powerful. Before the holidays, think of the times that you have found yourself reacting to people or interactions in ways that don’t match the current situation. That’s your “trauma response” talking—a sign that past hurts are impacting your present experience. Recognizing this can help you avoid falling into old roles and will help you plan how you will react to these situations beforehand.
Boundaries, please! Setting boundaries is a must. Decide ahead of time where your boundaries lie and tell someone who has your back. Whether it’s limiting the amount of time you spend with some, steering clear of hot topics, or deciding to stay somewhere else, boundaries are a way to protect yourself. Having someone who knows why you have chosen to leave the room, or who will change the topic of a charged conversation will create safety to help you manage those trauma responses.
Time Out! If things start feeling overwhelming, take a break: go into the bathroom to take a breather or go wash some dishes. Remind yourself that you don’t have to solve any long-standing issues. This is just a visit, not family therapy! You can’t change how other people behave, but you can choose how you respond. Keeping the focus on what you can do helps shift the energy. Pre-planning when you’re calm works wonders to create calm during the chaos.
Just remember, if none of these seem doable: sit out the holidays this year. While it may not always be an option, sometimes saying “no” to a gathering is the healthiest choice you can make. Holidays are meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. Some forethought can help you manage the stuff that comes up before it happens. And remember, it’s okay if your holiday happiness looks a little different than someone else’s. Sometimes it is better to sit that one day out rather than jeopardize relationships all year around.