The Therapist’s Take: Why Resolutions Backfire and How to Grow with Self-Compassion

We’ve all heard it: New Year, New You. As a therapist, I am not a fan of New Year’s resolutions, and here’s why. Resolutions often focus on fixing perceived flaws, like losing weight or breaking bad habits, which can make you feel “not enough.” While self-improvement is valuable, starting from a deficit mindset can hurt your confidence. The common cycle of trying, stumbling, and giving up often leaves you feeling worse than when you started. 

Instead of resolving to change in 2025, why not focus on what you can learn about yourself? Being inquisitive and just noticing your frequent thoughts, self-talk and behaviours can go a long way in making you more aware of the choices you make every day and how these choices contribute to your sense of wellbeing. For example, you might notice you’re irritable with your family after a stressful workday or reach for ice cream when you’re bored or lonely. By observing these patterns with curiosity and self-compassion, you can uncover the “why” behind undesired behaviors and begin to understand what drives them.

Once you see these patterns, motivation to change often comes naturally—you notice what drains you, where you overcommit, or how often you break promises to yourself. Change becomes less about fixing flaws and more about making thoughtful, informed choices about what you want to do differently. Now let’s be honest here. Change is hard! Even though you may be aware of your patterns, consistently noticing them in the face of adversity and executing plans for change is not easy. It requires patience, and a dose of self-compassion (pro tip: this means speaking to yourself as you would a child, with encouragement and without judgement). 

Approaching growth with curiosity and self-kindness allows you to leverage your existing strengths and successes, making sustainable change feel both possible and empowering. If you are ready to make some changes, and you want an accountability partner for the journey, a therapist is a great choice! We are here to help you explore options, make plans and provide encouragement on the change journey.